Mountaineer Mastiffs - Blog

December 2nd, 2006

I don't have a long time to write at the moment, but many of you know that Baby has been sick recently. We've been battling it hard, and saw an improvement over the past week or two. Today it appears we've had another set back. And she doesn't look good today. My heart is breaking. I knew if I lived long enough, that I'd someday have to say goodbye to the greatest dog I've ever had. But I didn't expect it to be this soon.

In the veterinarians eyes she is a senior dog, and I know this is true. But I am not used to any mixed breed dog we have rescued leaving us at 10 years old. Most were 16 and older. Polly left us at 18, Peanut at 19. So in my mind 10 is really not that old. And it certainly isn't enough time with her.

I have not given up hope for her. We are not at that point yet. But times are hard. And if any of you have the time to say a prayer for Baby, it would be deeply appreciated.

December 5th, 2006

Baby is hanging in there. We are starting a new medication today. - Keeping our fingers crossed.

I haven't been able to do much work on the web site recently. Too many other demands going on in life right now. My grandfather (who lives next door) fell last night, his hip is broken and he is in the hospital. According to the doctors his hip actually fractured, which then caused him to fall. They say that it is fairly common in people his age, to happen like that. He's in a lot of pain. He will be having surgery to repair it soon, depending on when he gets clearance from his heart specialist. He's had two heart attacks and a bypass surgery in the past, so the idea of him going under anesthesia is nerve wracking. But the surgery is very necessary, he will not walk again without it.

He will need a lot of help afterwards and he may be moving in with us when he leaves the hospital. Our house is split level (3 floors), so if he needs to come here we are going to have to modify some things to make it happen. But we'll do whatever he needs. We are hoping that he will do well enough to be able to avoid going into a rehab facility. It is good that Chuck is skilled in the type of nursing care that he will need. We will know more about what his exact needs will be after his surgery and in the days that follow.

My grandfather is tough as nails and hopefully will pull out of all of this ok. If there's anybody tough enough to do it, it's him. How many people do you meet in your life that get their dental work done without Novocain, fought in World War II, The Korean War, and volunteered for Vietnam ?????? Well, that's my grandpa.

To those of you praying for our family at this time, Thank you so much.

December 7th, 2006

We are very near loosing Baby. There is nothing more that can be done. We are bringing her home to make her as comfortable as possible. If she makes it thru the night then our vet will come out to the house and help us let her go tomorrow afternoon. I'm praying I will have the strength to make it thru this. I'm always deeply upset when something like this happens but I'm really not handling this well. I know it and I wish I were stronger. But it's Baby. And there's never been anybody like Baby. And there never will be.

I'm trying hard to find relief in the fact that I now know that we've done everything we can for her. But it's not really working. Logically I know it. But it's beyond hard to accept it. She has went from 75 lbs to 23 lbs. This has literally taken away everything from her and now she's in renal failure. But it hasn't taken her spirit. She still looks at me with so much love. She still wags her tail every time I talk to her. My poor baby I wish there was more I could do.

December 10th, 2006

I've cried so much over the course of the past few days. It was gut wrenching to see her fighting so hard to stay with me and then knowing that it was a battle that she could not win. So much has happened over the past few days. So many great things happened with Baby during her life. I will write more about her. But right now the wounds are just to raw.

Everyone that knew Baby loved her. And everyone that knows me, knows just how I felt about her. So I hope that everyone understands why I am not handling this very well. I don't really know how to face going on without her. I know that I have to, but every little thing is so hard. She was such a huge part of our lives.

We went out to the store yesterday and I didn't even want to come home because I didn't want to face coming home and her not being here. Not being in the yard, not being in the house. Not watching over us, guarding our every move.

This has been hard on the other dogs. Whenever Spike is beside me he tries to put on a good face. Just worrying over me and being overly affectionate. But when he thinks I'm not looking, he looks like he's been kicked in the gut. Baby mothered him and mentored him and he seems more than a little lost without her. He sits beside her grave a lot.

CoCo seems to be suffering some nervous issues. Watching Baby struggle for life those final days really seemed to agitate her a great deal. Every dog we have looked up to Baby, they all were taught by her. They all looked to her for guidance. She was their alpha. The leader of our pack. And we are all a little lost right now. Trying to adjust.

When it was time to bury Baby I had a tough decision to make. I ended up deciding not to bury her in the bottom with the rest of our departed dogs & cats. I decided to bury her at the top of the hill, at her favorite spot to lay. She liked that spot because she could see everything, she could watch us all from there. It was a tough call to make and a short period of time to decide to make it in. But something about burying her down in the bottom just didn't feel right. And I wanted to be able to have her near me, and I am often not physically able to make it down there. So laying her to rest in her favorite laying spot, felt like the right thing to do.

We purchased a memorial stone for her grave that says "If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd go right up to Heaven and bring you back again." We will try to set it in place soon.

I want to thank our vet for being one of the best veterinarians I have ever worked with. He has a high level of both things that I consider to be very important in his job, intelligence and compassion.

I want to thank my husband for taking care of me during all of this. I don't know if I could have made it thru it without you.

I want to thank Baby for a lifetime of loyalty, love, and for teaching me what great things a person could truly achieve with a dog if you have the right dog and devote lots of time and energy to that dog. What you put in, will be paid back a hundred fold.

Most of all I want to thank God for blessing me with this wonderful, beautiful, devoted dog to call mine all of these years. I consider everyday spent with her to be a blessing. A valuable gift from God that I do not take lightly.

December 13th, 2006

Spike seemed to be a tiny bit better today. He's still so sad, but he's not moping quite as bad. We went out to run some errands yesterday evening and I actually managed to get things off my mind for a bit here and there. But as soon as we pulled in the driveway at home I just burst into tears. I was feeling fine, but pulling in here and seeing Spike running out to greet us all alone just broke my heart. I keep reminding myself that I will adjust in time, but that's hard to accept right now.

Will is having a hard time with it too. He's so young and doesn't totally grasp the concept of death. It's hard to have to keep explaining to him that Baby is gone. Today he saw Spike eating and said, "I think Baby is hungry." and took off looking for her calling her name. I had to take him aside and explain to him again that she is gone. Then 10 minutes later he said that he wanted to go to the hospital. When I asked him why, he replied, "Because I think Baby is really just at the hospital and if we go there we can see her."

So we had to have a longer talk. It's hard to know exactly what to say. I reminded him of how Baby was sick and I was caring for her and that usually when people or animals are sick, they get better. But sometimes they don't get better. And that Baby was just too sick to get better here on Earth and that she went to be with God in Heaven. And that even though we can't see her, she is still watching out for us from above.

He told me that he wanted her to be better. And I said I know, I wanted her to get better too. And Mommy is very sad too, and misses her too. But now that Baby is with God, Baby is all better. She's not in pain anymore, she's not sick anymore, she's been made well again and she is watching us now from Heaven.

December 25th, 2006

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything since the 13th. Life has been very hectic. My grandfather is in a rehab facility getting the post-op care that he needs to return home. They are taking great care of him there. He gets physical therapy daily and they are helping him to walk again. He's taking it all very well.

My mother had to have emergency surgery for a kidney stone that was causing a lot of problems. She's home now. She's still in a lot of pain, and has to go back for a follow up procedure in two weeks, but hopefully she is on the mend.

And I've been at the hospital getting cardiac tests so the past few weeks have really been difficult. I believe this is the least prepared I've ever been for Christmas. I like to be really prepared well ahead of time, and that just hasn't been possible this year. But we are making the best of it.

I am really missing our family members that are gone this Christmas. But I'm trying my best to stay positive for the kids, who are old enough this year to really enjoy Christmas.

The kids had their own tree, which they handmade all the decorations for, and that was really fun. And we've done lots of cards & letters & decorations for Grandpa to help brighten up his holiday.

Today all the doggies got a special Christmas meal, courtesy of my father, which they really enjoyed.

Chuck is working today. No rest for nurses, not even on Christmas. But he had yesterday off, so that was nice.

I'm sitting here listening to a recording of Kenny G playing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" on soprano saxophone, no singing, just gentle, classic Christmas music. While the kids play with their toys. It's actually quite good.

I hope everyone is having a lovely & safe Christmas this year!